Chapter 5: Determination 3
Chapter 5: Determination 3
Summer vacation begins without any particular events. I spend my time with Haruno everyday whether on school or in home.
For me, peaceful days where nothing changes, is something special....
And part of that special thing, is that I haven't seen Hoshimiya even once.
In the end, Hoshimiya didn't come to school until summer vacation.
"...Well, what should I do now?"
Being alone for the first time in a while, I lie down on the sofa in the living room and I absentmindedly gaze at the ceiling.
It's currently evening. Haruno went home because her mother called her, so I'm left with nothing to do. Well, she'll come back later on, though...
When I'm alone, I inevitably start thinking about various things. Mostly in negative way.
"..."
I thought about getting some ice cream and headed to the freezer.
There were frozen foods, but no ice cream.
"Should I go buy some..."
I grabbed my wallet and decided to go to the convenience store.
◆◆◆
I bought several random cup of ice creams and left the nearby convenience store.
The moment I stepped outside, a wave of heat engulfed my entire body. Even in evening, outside is still hot as usual.
I came in a casual outfit, wearing a shirt and shorts, but I could still feel the heat.
The people passing by in the town were also dressed in outfits that exposed their skin.
"...The ice cream is melting."
I bought some for Haruno too. I should go back before it melts.
Just as I was about to start walking....
"Oh, Kuromine, right?"
Coincidently, I ran into Kana. Judging by her loose attire that looks like loungewear, she must have come outside to buy ice cream in convenience store.
"It feels refreshing, doesn't it?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Seeing you in something other than your school uniform."
"Huh, it's kinda creepy. I've thought this before, but you're surprisingly straightforward, Kuromine. And you casually call me by my name too."
"My bad, I don't know your last name."
"Well, if that's the case, I guess it can't be helped, jerk... Wait, seriously, you don't know my last name?"
Kana, with a surprised and astonished expression, asked me, and I silently nodded.
"Oh, I see, huh. Well, fair enough. I also... don't know your last name."
"Wait, earlier you said 'Kuromine,' right?"
"Huh? Did you mishear me? I said 'Riku'"
"You're incredibly competitive... If you don't mind, could you tell me your last name?"
"Absolutely not."
"Huh..."
"If it's come to this, I won't tell you, no matter what. Actually, I don't want to tell you."
Completely offended, Kana crossed her arms and turned her face away from me, with a dismissive "Hmph." She seems to have stronger-willed than Haruno or Hoshimiya...
Deciding that the conversation was over, I tried to pass by Kana and head back home.
"Hold on a second."
"Huh?"
Stopped in my tracks by her call, I turned around.
Kana was looking at me with a serious expression.
"After this... Can we talk for a bit?"
◆◆◆
I accepted Kana's invitation and we arrived at a nearby small park.
There was no one else here, so it was a perfect environment for conversation.
...I hope we can wrap up this discussion quickly. If it drags on, my ice cream will melt.
"Let's sit here."
I sat down on the bench as Kana told me to.
Keeping a slight distance, Kana also took a seat next to me.
"What are we going to talk about? Just so you know, I'm not sharing my ice cream."
"I don't need it and I don't really care about that."
"Then what is it?"
"It's about Ayana."
"──"
I felt a tight grip on my heart.
"Kuromi── Riku, you're not in-touch with Ayana anymore?"
"Yeah."
"I see. I just wanted to know what happened between you two... even if it's just what happened to Ayana."
"........"
"I'm sorry."
"... You're really the worst."
Realizing that she couldn't get any information out of me, Kana frowned and let out a complaint.
I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to forget.
"...The other day, I went to Ayana's house."
"........"
I listened attentively as Kana began speaking in a calm voice.
"Ayana did come out for a bit, but she was really a mess... She had been crying all the time, her eyes were bloodshot... Her hair was all tangled and messy..."
"........"
"She always smile when she's listening to my stories, but she's definitely forcing herself to laugh at that time."
"What... are you trying to say?"
"...That night, I stayed over at Ayana's house. And while she was sleeping... she kept apologizing."
"........"
I listen quietly to Kana's words, hearing it, I just can't help to not believe her.
"I'm sorry, Kuromine-kun, I'm sorry, Kuromine-kun, I'm sorry..." She kept apologizing to you over and over again, tears streaming down her face."
"......."
"Hey, what happened? Why's Ayana suffering so much?"
"........"
"Did you have a fight with Ayana? Did you reject her, just to start dating Harukaze?"
"That's not it!"
I unintentionally raised my voice and denied it.
Kana flinched and trembled for a moment, but she quickly regained her composure and continued the conversation.
"Ayana won't answer when I ask her what happened. ...I mean, it's like a complete mess..."
"...Regarding to this, it's not something I can just blabber to others..." I explained.
".....I see."
Both Kana and I averted our gaze from each other's faces and looked down, staring at the ground in silence.
Several seconds of silence passed, Kana spoke up.
"...Ayana moved."
"...to?"
"To the countryside. She said she's staying at a house belonging to someone her grandmother knows."
"I see."
"She's planning to quit school during the summer break."
"..."
I swallowed hard quietly, and hide my concern.
"I don't know anything. What happened to Ayana. But, you know, does Ayana really need to suffer like this?" Kana spoke calmly.
"Well..."
"I don't know the details. But right now, you're the only one who can save Ayana, right, Riku?"
Kana looked straight into my eyes and spoke with conviction.
"I can't... do anything."
"You don't need to do anything. Just be with Ayana's side, that's enough."
"That's impossible."
"...I don't understand."
"........"
"Until Ayana became like this, she always talked about you. She complained about you lacking sensitivity or being sloppy, or saying strange things..."
"That's just complaining."
"But she also said this. Spending time with Kuromine-kun is fun. She said it with the biggest smile on her face." Kana continue. "On the next Saturday, I'm going by train to the place where Ayana currently lives."
"...And what is that?"
"I want you to come too."
"...Huh?"
"It's important to talk to Ayana properly. I don't know what happened, but things can't stay like this."
Kana said something, but it didn't reach my heart.
"Listen, I've already informed Ayana about my visit, so it's up to you to─"
"...Enough!"
"...Huh?"
"I'm tired of it!"
"─Huh?"
My emotions erupted uncontrollably, and I stood up and yelled.
Kana widened her eyes, but I couldn't stop myself.
"I just... want to live happily, peacefully... I don't want to get hurt anymore! I don't want to get hurt anymore...!"
"I understand that, but─"
"What do you understand?! You don't know anything! How much... how much I've...!"
Unable to bear it any longer, tears spilled from my eyes. Memories of the past flooded back in an instant.
Suddenly losing my family─ being supported by Haruno─ being rejected by Haruno─ saving Hoshimiya from a convenience store robber─ being supported by Hoshimiya─ confronting Haruno─ saving Hoshimiya from a stalker─ starting a relationship with Hoshimiya, only to─!
I just want to live a normal, peaceful life...
"I'm sorry... I'm undoubtedly the worst for pushing you like this... But still, let me say this much."
"What?"
"You're the only one who can save Ayana."
"......."
"Do you understand what I mean by that?"
I didn't want to understand.
"Sorry for saying all that. I'm going to Ayana's place. I don't think I can do anything... Well, I'll just go visit as a friend."
"........"
"I'll let you know the train schedule just in case. It's 6:40 in the morning. I'll be waiting at the station..."
"...I'm not going."
"I see."
Kana gave a short reply, glanced at my eyes once, then stood up from the bench and started walking, facing away from me. She left the park without ever looking back.
"........"
'You're the only one who can save Hoshimiya.'
"I knew that from the beginning."
◆◆◆
After parting ways with Kana, I returned home and found myself lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling without doing anything. Even when Haruno came back, I continued to gaze intently at the ceiling.
"Riku-chan, what's wrong?"
"........"
"Riiikuuu-chan! Boo!"
"──Ack!"
Haruno jumped onto my body from my chest...! The sofa creaked faintly because of the impact.
"Hey, hey~. Even though you have such a cute little sister like me, why do you keep staring at the ceiling?"
Haruno, in a strangely clingy manner, sprawled on top of me and asked while pressing against my body.
...This is getting dangerously close. Haruno's face is right there, filling up my entire field of vision, and her weight is pushing against me.
"Haruno, as a guy, it's nice, but it's overwhelming my self-control, so please stop."
"Hmm? I think it's okay for self-control to fly out the window."
Grinning mischievously, Haruno flashed a smile that I had seen a few times before.
"Haruno..."
"Riku-chan, are you struggling and feeling miserable again?"
"Well..."
"That's not good. You know, I always want Riku-chan to have happy thoughts. If there's anything I can do, I'll do it for you."
Haruno's eyes were filled with determination.
I felt like she could make anything happen if it was my wish.
"Shall I try guessing what Riku-chan is struggling with?"
"Yeah."
"It's about Ayana-chan, right?"
"...Mmn." I nodded.
As expected, she sees right through everything. I can't compete with my childhood friend.
Haruno slowly lifted herself up and sat back on the sofa.
I followed suit and sat back on the sofa as well.
"Sometimes... I find myself thinking about Hoshimiya."
"You mean Ayana-chan..."
"I'm worried. Hoshimiya is still going through a difficult time."
"The one suffering the most is Riku-chan."
"........"
I neither denied nor affirmed it. Surely, Hoshimiya is going through as much pain as I am.
No, she's probably going through even more pain than me.
I have Haruno, a kind childhood friend who supports my life.
But does Hoshimiya have someone who can be there for her to that extent?
Even though she has a friend like Kana, the fact that she hasn't told Kana about what happened in her past means there's a significant psychological distance between them.
And there's also Hoshimiya's own personality.
Hoshimiya... feel sense of guilt. Basing about she dreams about me, apologizing.
Her parents killed someone in an accident, and then they both committed suicide... She's always trapped in guilt...
Does anyone have such a painful life?
"...I know what I should do."
I just need to convey one thing: that I don't hold any resentment towards Hoshimiya. That alone should offer some consolation to her heart.
Of course, in reality, I haven't completely come to terms with that accident. But I understand that it was an "accident."
There are no perpetrators in this world.
When I think of Hoshimiya, I recall painful memories. That's the truth. That's why I can't help but think that Hoshimiya is going through even more pain than I am.
"Riku-chan, do you still like Ayana-chan? What do you want for your future with Ayana-chan? What do you want to do from now on?"
Haruno asked me calmly. Of course the answer's already been decide before.
"I want to live with Hoshimiya... I want to protect her."
"........"
Haruno fell into silence, and a sense of stillness settled in. It was then that I finally understood what I had said.
"I-I'm sorry, Haruno! It's different! I like you, Haruno...!" (TL: What a pathetic guy...)
My previous statement seemed disappoint Haruno while being in a relationship with me.
However, Haruno give me a gentle smile.
"Hahaha, I feel like I finally heard Riku-chan's true feelings."
"........I'm sorry. But, um... to truly understand and be there for Hoshimiya, I think maybe only I can do that. There's no one else."
"In that case, You should to go to Ayana-chan place."
"........I don't want to."
"Huh?"
"I know, but... I'm scared. Just scared. Something else might happen again. Something unpredictable..."
"Riku-chan..."
"I don't want to feel pain. I don't want my heart to be disturbed. I just want to live in peace... peacefully."
Haruno quietly continued to listen to my words pouring out.
"I want to be by your side. I don't want to be separated from you. I can't live without you, Haruno."
"That's not true, Riku-chan."
"It's not a lie..."
"What about when you were with Ayana-chan?"
"...!"
I've relied on Haruno since we were little, but when I was with Hoshimiya, I felt like I could be my normal self.
I had occasionally thought about Haruno, but it wasn't as desperate as it is now.
"When you were with Ayana-chan... I believe that you were able to be with yourself," Haruno said with a smile.
"........"
I couldn't respond to Haruno's words.
As I remained silent, Haruno suddenly embraced me.
It was a tight embrace, as if our bodies were merging into one... a strong, tight embrace.
"I love you, Riku-chan. Really, I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Just talking to other girls makes me jealous, and I can't even imagine you being with anyone else."
"Haruno..."
"But, you know, even so, your happiness is the most important to me... Riku-chan, follow your heart... You should go to Ayana-chan."
Haruno lifted her face and looked into my eyes. She had a gentle smile, but... she was crying.
Multiple streaks of water seemed to float on Haruno's cheeks.
And in a voice that trembled ever so slightly, as if suppressing a sob, she continued speaking.
"Riku-chan, you're trapped with me."
"That's not true... I love you, Haruno..."
"Yeah, thank you. I'm really happy. I love you too, Riku-chan... That's why I want you to see a broader world."
"A broader world..."
"Riku-chan, fly out of this cage. I know you'll be fine."
"Haruno..."
With each word, tears overflowed from Haruno's eyes. It meant our parting, and Haruno understood that more than anyone else.
"If, by any chance, you get tired and can't reach the place you're aiming for... you can come back. To the place where your childhood friends is."
"......!"
"Just like you said, only Ayana-chan can stay stand by your side."
"Haruno... Haruno...!"
The pain of knowing that my childhood friend, Haruno, genuinely cares for me was overwhelming.
Even though Haruno is possessive and jealous to the point of self-awareness...
She still considers only my happiness.
Despite how painful it is for her, the tears won't stop flowing...!
"Riku-chan, you don't have to worry about me. Soar freely and proudly through the sky." Haruno continue. "Freedom..."
"I'm sure they gave you the name 'Ri-ku,' with the meaning of soaring through the sky." (TL: 凛 - Rin or Ri means dignified. 空 - sora or kuu means sky)
"....."
I had never thought about the meaning of my name. I had never asked my parents about it.
Ah, even so, I wonder what my parents would think if they saw me now...
My sister would probably stick her tongue out at me and make fun of me.
"But you'll be fine, Riku-chan... You can live without me. Because you've finally found something you want to do for yourself."
"Yeah... Mm....!"
"Haha, if you cry that much... it'll ruin your handsome face, you know?"
It seems like I was crying. I hadn't realized it.
I vaguely felt my cheeks getting warm, but...
"Haruno... you're crying too."
"I'm fine. Crying is a normal thing when you've had your heart broken."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"That's right. Haha."
Even with a tear-streaked face, Haruno still managed to put a bright smile.
◆◆◆
The conversation settled, and the atmosphere became relaxed. We sat side by side on the sofa, enjoying the quiet moment without saying a word.
"Well, um, yeah. I actually thought that I couldn't compete with Ayana-chan," Haruno suddenly said.
"Huh?"
"Just wait a moment," she said and went to the bedroom. She returned holding a book in her right hand.
Oh no... It was the erotic book I received from Mondo-san! Why!? I had hidden it under the bed!
"Um, Haruno-sama?"
"It's... an erotic book," Haruno said, narrowing her eyes as she stared at the cover.
By the way, the cover of the erotic book depicted a gal who looked exactly like Ayana.
"This girl looks just like Ayana-chan," Haruno remarked.
"Y-Yeah..."
"Riku-chan, you're such a lively boy~" she teased.
"I-I'm sorry!"
"Riku-chan, sit properly."
"Uh, um...?"
"It's too early for you to see this kind of thing. So, I'll give you a little lecture until the end," Haruno said, smiling playfully.
Chapter 5 End. Open for correction.
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