Chapter 2: Determination 2
Chapter 2: Determination 2
"Ayana? What's wrong?"
Her expression was serious, with a hint of hesitation, as if she wanted to ask something.
"Um, there's something I want to ask... Is it okay now?"
"Sure, go ahead..."
I invited Ayana into the room, and we stood facing each other.
I understand why I would be on guard, but Ayana seemed tense too. Her gaze was wandering, and she fidgeted with awkward gestures.
.....
Tension began to fill the air in this room. I thought about encouraging her to talk, but she immediately made up her mind and Ayana cautiously started to speak.
"I, um, I want to ask about Kuromine-kun..."
"About Riku?"
"Yeah. We didn't have any connection, right? But it's impossible for me not to know anything about him... So, um, I want to know more about Kuromine-kun, you know? Ahaha..."
Ayana spoke rapidly and then giggled, as if trying to hide something.
It's only natural to be curious when a boy you had no prior connection with, suddenly comes to see you...
However, I had a slightly different feeling about Ayana's reaction.
Her bashful attitude, the fast pace, and the slightly higher pitch in her voice...
I couldn't help but sense something sweet and sour hidden beneath it all.
"It's okay, what do you want to know about that guy? I'll tell you anything."
"Then, um... are you close to Kuromine-kun? You call each other by your names and have an intimate atmospheratmosphere guys dating?"
"Me and Riku... dating? No way! Absolutely not! That's completely impossible! Riku is not my type!"
I vigorously shook my hands and emphatically denied it. Seriously, not my type.
"You deny it so strongly... But you two seem close, right? I've never seen you getting along with a guy like that before."
"Well, it's more like a cooperative relationship?"
I crossed my arms and thought before answering. It's not like Riku and I are friends or anything...
"What kind of cooperative relationship?"
"That's a secret."
"Aww..."
"But Riku and I aren't in a romantic relationship, and we won't be in future, so you can rest assured."
"I see, I see."
Seems like one of her anxieties has been relieved, Ayana heaved a sigh of relief.
Is she really...?
From the flow of the conversation, it seems that what Ayana truly wanted to know was about Riku's romantic involvement...
I want to poke a bit more.
"Uuh, Riku is quite popular, you know. He may not stand out in class, but some girls actually like him that way."
That's a lie.
The boys called him "weirdo who follows Harukaze everytime," "a gloomy guy you can't figure out what he's thinking," "annoying because he's good at sports and studies but keeps a low profile." While the girls, he's been given unfavorable evaluations like "he got good face but plain at the same time," "it's scary how he always stares at Haruno-chan," "a mysterious creature inhabiting the corner of the classroom."
In short, Kuromine Riku is a somewhat famous character in my knowledge.
Not knowing about the memory alteration, Ayana trusts my words sincerely and murmurs with uncertainty, "Right... Riku is popular... He's handsome after all," she said.
"Riku has a girlfriend."
"O-of course, right? It's Kuromine-kun we're talking about... Ahaha..."
Ayana, with sad expression visibly slumped her shoulders and became overtly disheartened.
The atmosphere darkened, and her despondency was so evident that it seemed like a dark cloud hovered above her.
Guilt filled my chest, so I decided to do some damage control.
"Just kidding! Riku doesn't have a girlfriend! I was just teasing you!"
"Why would you lie like that?"
Blushing, Ayana puffed up her cheeks, showing an adorable anger.
But she quickly murmured, "He doesn't have a girlfriend, huh? I see," and her expression relaxed, clearly relieved. The dark cloud dispersed, and the light shone through. With all these clues gathered, it became clear.
Ayana is interested in Riku.
"Do you have feelings for Riku?"
"Well, sort of. He's different from the other boys I've seen so far. It's a strange feeling... I'm really curious. I wonder why..."
Ayana crossed her arms and tilted her head. She didn't fully understand her emotions.
But that naive aspect was typical in her.
I want to tell her everything.
But what I say should be different.
Even if I were to tell her about the past, that's something Riku should do.
I'm only sidekick, so I shouldn't take actions that might alter the course of events.
"By the way, do you know Riku's contact information?"
"Huh? No, I don't know. We've never talked before."
"I see..."
If they were living together, they should have exchanged contact information. Riku mentioned on the train that he didn't inform Hoshimiya that he was coming, so it's almost certain. But Ayana calmly said she didn't know.
Could it be that Ayana erased Riku's contact information?
It wouldn't be surprising if she did something like that, considering she went as far to alter her own memories.
Shortly after, Ayana spoke up, "I still have some things to take care of downstairs. Thanks for telling me so much," and left the room.
Based on everything that happened.
'This theory might be uncertain but,'
"...Her memories might been erased, but her feelings for Riku haven't?"
◆◆◆
This empty six-tatami room feels like it's reflecting my hollow heart.
Sitting in a corner, I curl up in a seiza-like position, reflecting on everything that has happened and trying to organize the situation in my head. The biggest issue is that Hoshimiya forgot about me.
And some other memories of her have been altered as well.
From what I heard, in Hoshimiya's perspective, she was on a long-term school break due to a high fever and move in the countryside.
Even the rumor about Hoshimiya quitting school is not actually true.
If I hadn't involved myself with Hoshimiya, she would have continued living peacefully as if nothing had happened, just like before we met.
"For Hoshimiya, I am not only unnecessary but... a burden... an obstacle to her happiness, huh?"
Thinking about it rationally, it's obvious.
She specifically forgot about "Kuromine Riku."
If the reason for altering her memories is to protect her own heart, then my existence becomes proof that I'm hurting her.
"Sigh... What's the point of wanting to protect her if my own existence is hurting her?"
Even if she altered her memories due to guilt she felt towards me, the fact remains that "Kuromine Riku's" presence is causing her pain.
Either way, maybe it's better if I don't exist...
I tried to calm the situation while organizing my own thoughts.
I guess, there's only one way to what's my next course of action.
"Riku? Are you there? ...Oh, it's so dark here."
I heard a cheerful voice, and I looked up. Kana was standing at the entrance, her face is worried as she looked at me.
"Do you need something?" I asked.
"I've been thinking about it... in my own way."
As she said that, Kana closed the door, and came over to me.
"You're the reason why Ayana altered her memories, right? So, I tried to think about the reason for it."
"My existence is causing Hoshimiya pain... that's all."
"Riku, that's..."
"Tomorrow, I'm going home."
"Going home... what about Ayana?"
"I'll try to avoid getting involved with her as much as possible. If forgetting about me makes her happy, then that's fine..."
As I said that, my chest tightened. It became hard to breathe. I even forgot how to breathe properly.
Even if I prioritize Hoshimiya's happiness, it's still painful.
...My circumstances don't matter.
Leaving her alone is the right decision.
"I have no choice... There's no other choice..."
I buried my face between my knees, trying to hide the tears that were about to fall.
As I verbalized my decision again, my emotions erupted, and I felt nauseous.
"Riku, are you really sure about this?"
In response to Kana's gentle inquiry, I answered in my mind, 'No.'
Of course, I didn't want this.
I want her to remember me. I want to be with Hoshimiya.
But that's just my wish.
For Hoshimiya, I am not only unnecessary but also an barrier for her happiness.
So... there's no choice.
"I talked to Ayana earlier."
"...And?"
"I wasn't sure whether to tell you because I have no solid proof, but it seems like her feelings for you haven't disappeared."
What is she talking about? When I looked at her, she seem not sure about her words as she wander her eyes around.
After a few seconds, she seemed to have sorted out her feelings, and she opened her mouth while looking at me.
"Feelings."
"...Feelings?"
"Yeah. I mean, her feelings towards you... seem to still be there."
"Feelings towards me..."
"Ayana was conscious of you. She was happy to find out that you didn't have a girlfriend... Well, she wasn't aware it was romantic feelings."
"Maybe it was just a coincidence."
"What do you mean 'coincidence'? She's being conscious to you, that's the proof."
"...M-Maybe she was conscious of me because I'm good-looking or something..."
"Are you being serious?"
"......."
I'm not.
I don't even understand it myself, but for some reason, I kinda want to resist and start making meaningless counterarguments.
"Riku, do you understand the meaning of this?"
"Meaning...?"
Kana nodded deeply and drew closer.
Then, with a serious expression, she spoke slowly and carefully.
"'Even if I couldn't bear the guilt and erased my memories... I couldn't erase my feelings for you, Riku.'"
"────!"
"I don't know if she intended that herself? But the only thing she couldn't erase was her feelings for you. That's unchangeable, absolute proof... No matter what happens, Ayana loves you."
I couldn't utter a single argument anymore. I couldn't think of anything.
I was engulfed by Kana's intense gaze, waiting for her next words.
"Burdened by guilt... in pain, She erased her memories, but her feelings for you didn't disappear. I won't let you say you don't understand anything about this."
"────!"
"Riku, you are not unnecessary to her. You must be by Ayana's side... No, the most important presence she wants by her side, is you."
"Me...?"
"Because she really loves you, she keep blaming herself and the feeling of guilt intensifies... That's probably why her heart couldn't bear it... and did it."
Seeing Kana looking so distressed, I thoughts slowly start to turn.
....Kana's perspective is probably correct. It makes sense considering Hoshimiya's personality.
In the first place, it was an accident. Hoshimiya is also a victim. There's no need for her to feel guilty.
"Hey Riku, didn't you come here to save Ayana?"
"Well, that's..."
"If her memories are altered because of the guilt, can't you see it as an opportunity?"
"Opportunity...?"
"If her memories remained, she would avoid you. But now that she's forgotten it, she can't avoid you. In fact, her feelings for you is still there... so why don't you give it another try? And when Ayana's memories return... this time, stay by her side without leaving her."
It was a powerful yet gentle strategy.
Kana then gaze deeply into my eyes, trying to share her feelings.
....Kana's right.
If her feelings for me couldn't be erased even after her memories disappeared...
If there's still a part of Hoshimiya that wants me...
"Yeah, you're right... that's exactly it."
"Riku?"
"If my presence here is not causing any problem here... Means there are still things I can do."
My feelings shrouded in darkness begin to clear.
My mind becomes clear, and the blurry outline of reality becomes distinct and clear.
I don't have to suppress my emotions anymore.
"Kana... thank you."
Facing my benefactor, I expresses my gratitude.
Thanks to her, I know now what I should do. It feels like a path has opened up.
Kana who's not used getting gratitude, looked away while blushing.
"This is maybe late to say but, I guess sorry for forcing you to this. I should have know what you've been through."
"Don't worry about it. Don't hesitate to speak with your mind from now on."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I'm weak... truly weak, and I'm a guy who can't help but to make excuses to run away when I let my guard down."
"I don't think that's true..."
"It is. So, Kana, please help with me to make sure I don't become like that."
Kana declares herself as my ally.
Right now, in this situation, there are no other reassuring words.
I extended my hand towards Kana.
"......?"
Glancing briefly at my right hand, Kana hesitates for a moment but then gently clasps it with both hands.
"We're ally, huh... alright. I swear I'll do my best."
"Thank you."
Kana blushing shyly reaffirms her declaration. It's truly heartwarming.
I cursed my life once before. But I'm blessed right now being with the side of a good friend.
Right after the handshake, I bring up something on my mind.
"So, there's something I want to discuss right away."
"What is it? I'm all ears for the first consultation."
"Well, confessing to Hoshimiya right now... that's not a good idea, right?"
"Hmm, it might be a bit difficult. She's not the type to jump into a relationship just because she was confessed to. Considering Ayana's personality, it seems we'll need to take our time... she's innocent, after all."
"Yeah, same thought."
Moreover, she's not even aware of her romantic feelings. It seems wise to build a steady foundation first, then confess.
"As our future plan, let's interact with Hoshimiya without triggering her past memories, and as much as possible while aiming to become her boyfriend. How does that sound?"
"Sounds good to me. I think that'll work."
With Kana's approval, our future plan are now set.
Placing my hand on my chest, I listen to my heart beat.
"... I can do this... I'll be alright."
Even if I'm forgotten, I'll be fine.
As if to avert myself from reality, I repeatedly reminds myself to that.
Chapter 2 End. Open for Correction. Ko-Fi below. There's not much to talk to today. My Happy Marriage is the best anime in this season.
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